i barfeds in our rink
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
