if only i could text you this smell
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
