when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
