we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
And then he peed in my hair
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