just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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