I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
