Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
