Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
