I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
