Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
