***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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