just tell him i said nine months
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
