My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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