Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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