he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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