I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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