He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
