where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
