Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I want her autograph on my taint
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
