i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
