They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
