Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
