The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
