Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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