Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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