His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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