she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
whose ass print is on the piano?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
