You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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