Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize