Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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