I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
