So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
