my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
