Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
