Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We left the knife in your bed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
