If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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