I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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