Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize