You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You have to summon your inner elephant
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
