I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
