high people should be assigned attendants
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
