You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I love you.
Bad choice
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
