They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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