Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
