I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
