Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
