you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
