Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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