I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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