I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
