Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
