I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
