we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
