Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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