I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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