I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
