He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize