I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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