she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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