My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
