i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
